Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Part Forty-Three, Chapter One - Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane, Now Approved for Home Use

It's a good thing the book had a recap chapter before this, because Chapter One starts with Gris getting right to business.

My plan was very simple.

I would buy a hit!  

What, you didn't think Gris would move against Krak in person, did you?  Actually, this counts as a big step up for him; Gris' earlier plan for defeating Heller was to bring his girlfriend to Earth with the expectation that Krak would kill him out of jealousy.  This plan is not only grounded in reality instead of what Gris dearly wants to happen, but will presumably involve a professional killer. 

A long-range sniper rifle, expertly zeroed in, fired by a trained man, was a thing against which the Countess Krak would have no defense.

All the clever tricks she knew were close-up things, face to face.  An expert marksman, shooting from two to five hundred yards away, would not have to cope with darts or hypnohelmets or stage sleight of hand.  He would simply pull the trigger and she'd be dead.

Good points.  On the other hand, she also probably wouldn't be able to defend herself from a drive-by shooting, a hit-and-run "car accident," a random short-range shooting on a crowded street... hmm.  I just realized that Mission Earth encourages the readers to plot evil acts, to prove that they're less stupid than Gris.

Gris knows that he can hire a sniper for ten thousand dollars from the Narcotici mob... somehow.  Waaaay back in Book Three, Gris got some snipers from Narcotici, but he didn't pay for them, instead using his connection with Bury to browbeat the mobster into loaning him free goons for an afternoon.  Guess he's been browsing Craigslist's "hired guns" section or something to keep up-to-date on prices.

The point is, Gris only has four thousand dollars, so once again the main plot gets to sit in the driveway while characters try to scrape together enough funding to get it moving again.  Gris tries to ask Miss Pinch for the money, but the rape victim is a bit distracted - she's tracked the house's flea infestation to Gris' luggage, and proceeds to gather up and burn his clothes, then hose him, herself, Candy, and the whole house down with DDT.

I guess Hubbard must have missed word of the '72 ban while he was abroad and in hiding.

Gris spends the night on the floor in a back room, naked and still dizzy from all the pesticide coating every surface in the apartment, and the next morning Candy again gives him the cold shoulder when he casually asks for ten thousand dollars.  When they leave for work, Gris checks on his would-be victim with the viewscreens, to find Krak and Heller having a lovey-dovey breakfast and idly chatting about the mission.  Heller has already grown some spore cultures with Crobe's formula, which could be good to go in a few days.

"Can't you do it sooner, dear? I don't think this planet is very good for us."

"Well, honey, some things take as long as they take. These people pretty well let this planet go down the drain.

Which is why we ban stuff like DDT.

And this mission has got to be a success."

"Yes," she said.  "It has to be a success."  She looked up and said, "Is there anything I can do to push it along?"

He went over to her, put his arm around her and said, "You just go on being pretty and smile in the right places and it will all come off just fine."  He kissed her and she clung to him for a moment.

Yes, sweetcakes, you don't need to try and think, or run errands, or do anything to help beyond looking pretty for me. 

Romance!

She smiled suddenly and gave him a playful push.  "Honey, you just better get back to work.  In fact, I'm going to go out shopping to remove temptation."

They both laughed.

'cause what else is a woman going to do all day?  When she isn't cooking, cleaning, or meeting her man's physical needs, I mean.

The chapter ends with Gris furious that Krak is supporting Heller by smiling and going out shopping, and he redoubles his resolve to get her killed so that Heller will be thwarted once and for all.  Much like how he was thwarted once and for all several books ago before the Countess arrived on Earth.  And then got thwarted once and for all again when Krak arrived to slow him down.

Y'know what might be easier, Gris?  Break into his apartment and pour bleach in those spore cultures.  And try and steal Crobe's schematics or whatever for the stuff, they have no idea where he is so it'd be a while before they could get back on track.  Or hell, set fire to that part of the building, see how much of their stuff you can destroy, regardless of-

Dammit, I'm thinking like a villain again.


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