The Apparatus agent calls Torpedo's mother, but is told that the hitman is at a Dr. Finkelbaum's office getting an insurance examination. For "hit man insurance." That is, a policy to cover hired killers.
So we get a page of Gris tracking down Torpedo, learning from a telephone operator that none of the thirty Finkelbaums in Queens work in the insurance industry, deducing that Torpedo must have gone to Boyd's of London because they'd insure even high-risk killers like Torpedo, learning that the hitman had been sent to a hospital to get his shots, and then hearing how Torpedo's being held by hospital security for not being able to pay his fees. Gris hops in a cab and takes off for Bellevue General Hospital to bail out his twisted killer.
But on his way out the door, he grabs Krak's viewscreen to watch while he rides his cab. Because we can't have Krak and Bang-Bang just ride off to visit Rockecenter's mansion, no, there's a lot of hassles and inconveniences in the way of that too. And Hubbard intends for us to experience them.
The Countess wants to talk to Bang-Bangs parole officer, so they're taking the cab to Chinatown. This confuses her, because Bang-Bang isn't Chinese, but that's where the parole offices are. The cabbie explains that the guy she's asking to see is "pure ape," someone who "mangles prisoners and English irregardless," so she's wasting her time. But Krak merely orders Bang-Bang to pull over so she can buy some flowers, and they're on their way.
And then Mission Earth has another one of its moments... er, little moments. One of the baffling ones, not the stomach-turning ones.
My own hacker was happily running up his meter in the cross-town traffic snarl. "Good thing you got a portable TV, mister," he said over his shoulder. "This is going to take a while. But what program is that? Some old morning rerun of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall? Well, you'll have time to finish it at this rate."
Rage hit me. To infer that Bang-Bang sounded like Bogart! And she sounded more like Susan Hayward in her most villainous roles! Oh, well, she'd soon be dead.
It's not just that this alien intelligence operative has an obsession with vintage Hollywood movie stars, it's that he keeps running into other people with the same interest. Sort of like some bad Harry Potter fanfic where the main characters happen to listen to the same boy band the author does.
Krak and Bang-Bang get to the parole office, Krak tells Bang-Bang to keep the motor going and steps out, and Gris groans at the "lost opportunity" of Krak standing out in the open on a sidewalk, where a "sniper in a passing car" could end her life with one shot. Because a scoped rifle is exactly the sort of weapon you want to use in the cramped backseat of a moving vehicle.
The Countess pops a mysterious pill and walks into the parole office, flowers in hand. She talks to the "absolute beast" at the desk about Bang-Bang and how he should be set free. The absolute beast is pretty vehement in his opposition to this, but Krak shoves the flowers in his face, he opens his mouth and takes a deep breath to yell, and then quiets down. And becomes quite cooperative.
She continued. "Don't you think it would be a good idea to lift all restrictions on his movements?"
"Yes," said the parole officer.
"And make it unnecessary for him ever to have to report in again?"
"Yes," said the parole officer.
"And give him a clean bill of health for his entire parole time?"
"Yes."
There's a bit more, but he ends up hurriedly signing all the paperwork and gives Krak a copy, and she leaves.
It's magic, of course. Krak simply used an Eyes and Ears of Voltar "Perfume to make a person say yes to anything. Pre-antidote necessary." Yes, the Voltarians have perfected a smell that works like a mind-control helmet, but without the unwieldy equipment. Yes, this smell of acquiescence goes beyond forcing someone to say "yes" and actually makes them fully comply with your every suggestion. And yes, it works perfectly on humans, even after thousands of years of divergent evolution, or the fact that human drugs are exceptionally potent to Voltarians, so Voltarian drugs ought to be less potent against humans. Yes, Krak just solved another problem by destroying free will. The only hitch she has about it is that she only has one of the packets left, so she vows to save it for an emergency.
The cabbie's eyes bug out when he's handed the papers.
Bang-Bang edged over into Lafayette Street, heading north. All of a sudden he exploded "I'M FREE!"
Hooray! The good guys have secured the release of a mob killer!
Wait.
Back to Chapter Six
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