He goes back to what he does best, sitting down in front of the viewscreen and seething about the progress Heller is making. Heller and Krak are saying their good-byes at the airport, she's tearing up as expected, she'll feel his absence like an ache, and so forth. While mentally whining how inconsiderate Krak is by putting his life in danger by pushing Heller towards the successful conclusion of Mission Earth, Gris remembers that most tedious of plot devices, the 851 Relayer. And so we get another paragraph or two of Gris ranting at the only competent Apparatus agent on the planet, demanding that Raht take the Relayers off the Empire State Building, give them to Gris, then go down to Florida and tail "Pretty Boy Floyd," Heller's business alias.
Just imagine how different Mission Earth would be if the whole Relayer thing got dropped and Gris could pick up Heller's signal fine from anywhere on the planet. Or if he skipped Turkey and stayed in New York from book two on. No scenes where he insults and bosses around people who by any standards ought to be his superiors. No... hmm... has there been any occasion when Gris missed something critically important because the Relayer was turned on or off at the wrong time? There has to have been, right? Otherwise there's no point to the damn thing. But I can't remember any...
I guess the better question is: has there been a time Gris missed something due to the Relayer that couldn't have been just as easily explained by him being an idiot and not putting recording tape in it, or forgetting to turn it on, or choosing to whore away a month instead of doing his job? And I think the answer to that is a negative.
More farewells. Izzy advises Heller to wear face paint, so if the Indians attack they'll think he's one of them. Krak is well and truly crying now.
"I feel too bad even to be cross with you about those women," she was saying.
"Women?"
"That protest at the United Nations. The ones carrying your picture with 'Pretty Boy' on it. You use that name on tickets."
"Oh, honey, I can explain. . . . "
No, you could have explained back when you were recapping the first five books. You chose not to, and now you're paying the price.
Or not, as the case may be.
"No, no. You don't have to. I love you, Jettero. You're my man and I love you.
"I'll mind-rape anyone who my delusions convince me threatens our relationship, but you don't have to explain yourself!"
I think the Japanese term for Krak would be "yandere." A possible English translation is "crazy bitch."
And I'm being an idiot for staying behind and not going to Florida with you.
So if you know the thing you're doing is stupid, why are you doing it?
But I've got to do all I can to speed things up and help us get home.
So if you have a reasonable justification and worthwhile goal for your plan of action, why are you stupid for following it?
And then we can get married and live happily ever after in some civilized place.
Like the imperialistic society with mind-control helmets and electric penis stimulation, an empire that conquers other planets due to its unthinking devotion to an invasion schedule drawn up by their ancient ancestors.
There's a nice surprise waiting for us both when we get home. I promised I wouldn't tell you and I won't.
Wonder why Krak's willing to go behind her boyfriend's back to eliminate any potential rivals for her affection, but here she is keeping a promise to Soltan Gris of all people?
But hurry and finish up this mission, Jettero. And I'll do all I can."
"You sit quietly and wait for me," said Heller.
That's his good-bye to her. Not "I love you" or anything like that, but "stay home, don't do anything. Don't take any independent action, even if you think it'll speed the mission up." Almost makes you wonder if he suspects what she's been up to.
Heller boards his plane, Krak cries and cries, Gris again reminds us how Krak's endangering things by egging Heller on, and swears that Krak will be dead before Heller sees her again.
Which means that we're looking at just over a hundred pages of Gris trying to help his "twist" hitman murder Krak, and failing miserably.
Back to Chapter Four
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