Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Part Fifteen, Chapter Three - The Plot Thickens, or Possibly Curdles

The puffy-faced Stupewitz - get it?  Like "stupid wits?" - marches Heller into the J. Edgar Hoover building.  Heller asks if that's who they're going to see, forcing the exasperated agent to explain things:

"Look, you heard of George Washington." He pointed a quivering finger at the huge sign. "Well, J. Edgar Hoover was ten times what Washington ever was! The REAL savior of the country was HOOVER! Without him, the real rulers of this country couldn't run it at all!"

Yes, this trained federal agent is shouting about a country's real rulers out on a public street.  Maybe it's another open secret like how psychology is a scam.

Heller gets shoved into one office while Stupewitz and Maulin - like "mauling," see? - get on the phone in an adjacent room.  And once again Gris' alien listening device is having difficulty eavesdropping, this time because someone in a nearby room is screaming while being beaten.  That's what you get for installing doodads that are powered by Plot.

Gris does hear Maulin make a personal call to Delbert John Rockecenter, only to learn that the man who runs the world is in the USSR to loan them some money.  He talks to Mr. Bury, Rockecenter's assistant and an attorney from the firm Swindle and Crouch... I hate Hubbard's idea of satire.

The agent introduces himself and Stupewitz, then reads off the confiscated birth certificate and high school diploma and other documents they got from Heller.  Maulin states that "Delbert John Rockecenter Jr." is in FBI custody after being wanted on counts of attempted murder, vehicle theft, possession, that sort of stuff.  He even invokes the Mann Act since Heller crossed state lines in the company of a prostitute.  But, Stupid goes on, only he and his partner know Heller's (mistaken) identity.

He gives Bury a second to let this sink in, but assures the man that "Junior" is safe in the FBI's hands, and that the agency is as always "completely at the service of Delbert John Rockecenter."  When the call is concluded, Mauling and Stupid do "a war dance, round and round, laughing," elated how they won't have to retire on nothing but their pensions.

Gris shares the reader's reaction and is dumbfounded.  Let's break this down: Heller has been arrested while "disguised" as Delbert John Rockecenter Jr., son of the energy magnate that effectively runs the whole planet, including the FBI.  But these two agents are trying to blackmail the most powerful person on the planet with records of "Junior"'s criminal activities, even though Senior controls their own organization and presumably has access to hitmen and whatnot.  More to the point, the Rockecenter Jr. persona was supposed to be a complete fabrication.

My guess?  This is all an amazing coincidence, and Rockecenter secretly does have a son who just happens to look exactly like Heller, which would completely destroy my suspension of disbelief if it hadn't been shredded at the beginning of the previous book.

The alternative is that Rockecenter's flunky is intimidated by the prospect of the FBI fabricating the "Junior" identity and trying to blackmail Rockecenter with bad publicity.  Which is actually not a bad idea.  The FBI could probably pull that off, right?

I wonder if Hubbard considered Hoover a personal enemy? Or what Hoover thought of Hubbard? Two paranoid, manipulative bastards fighting a shadow war of falsified evidence and infiltration... if only there'd been a way for them both to lose.

Chapters without anyone commenting on Heller's stupid clothes: 9


Back to Chapter Two

1 comment:

  1. That Swindle & Crouch bit made me laugh a little. Granted it was bad, but it made me think of Swindle,Swindle & Swindle from the Trans-Tech Verse in Transformers. Nothing like sheer honesty for what you are.

    ReplyDelete