Thursday, May 9, 2013

Part Fifty-Three, Chapter Five - The Prat Falls

The only thing of consequence that happens this chapter is Gris deciding that he's not going to settle for tipping off the security guys that Krak will be attacking the Whiz Kid during his TV appearance tomorrow.  No, he's going to go to the talk show in person to ensure she's captured!

He is of course high when he decides this.

Gris sups with his wives upon strawberry and sausage pizza, Teenie drops by and discusses homosexuals, and Gris needs some puffs from the "bhong" to stop shaking after hearing the word "homo."  While Teenie goes on to babble about school lectures on how easy it is for a woman to "get caught," the phrase starts bouncing around in Gris' skull, prodding his atrophied brain into action.

The talk show!

If I disguised myself as an old woman, took Krak's viewer and worked behind the protection of Eagle Eye Security, two things could be accomplished: one, the Countess Krak could not slip out of their grasp, and two, thanks to the breaker switch I carried, THE HYPNOHELMET WOULD NOT WORK IF I WERE WITHIN TWO MILES OF IT!  If she tried to get it on the Whiz Kid in that talk show, her efforts would be totally foiled.

I'm just wondering where he got the notion that Krak was gonna brain-fry the Whiz Kid on the talk show set, is all.  Ah, but drugs, of course. 

With the Countess Krak disposed of in Bellevue, I could somehow finish off Heller and then somehow handle Teenie.  Aha!  I could win this yet!

Observe that his overall objective is getting out of giving a live heterosexual intercourse demonstration in front of some indoctrinated-into-gay folks.  Mission Earth is officially no longer the main plot.  Heller, Krak?  Just distractions from what's really important - Gris' sex life.

Gris "cures" two brunettes and is able to perform despite Teenie hanging around, giving encouragement.  On his way to bed he trips on "TEENIE'S SKATEBOARD" rather than falling down due to having too much dope.  The author spends a full page on this event, so the reader can properly appreciate the irony and humor of a drug user falling down for reasons unrelated to drugs.  Candy yells about Gris getting blood on the carpet.

And while I would love to say that there's no slapstick next chapter...

Back to Chapter Four

1 comment:

  1. How did they not correct the spelling of "bong"? I know drugs are forbidden in the Sea Org, but seriously… Maybe Hubbard was confusing "bong" and "bhang". Maybe he looked it up in the dictionary.

    Despite Hubbard's known fondness for various types of pills, he wasn't very interested in marijuana, according to people who were with him over the years. He said it made his breath stink. That's why he chain-smoked menthol cigarettes and had a crippling fear of ever going to the dentist.