We jump forward some sixty hours later, after two days of noisy remodeling in Pinch's apartment, and two nights of noisy psychiatric deprogramming. But Gris is seething because his mission of "Stopping Heller was not making any progress, and it MUST, it MUST, it MUST!" He's done everything he can - he tried to raise Raht on the two-way, but the competent, dedicated agent isn't answering. Furthermore, Gris has also... uh... actually, that's it.
See, Gris has decided that he can't just call the Apparatus office in New York, because he's "on the run" and using a pay phone or land line from Miss Pinch's place is too dangerous. I can't say whether or not this is inconsistent with his earlier decision to not call the place because "they'd turn him in" because I'm not sure if Gris was referring to his supposed allies or Turkish eavesdroppers. At any rate, no, he can't take a cab over or anything. Much too risky. Mohammad might have gotten a tip-off from Zeus and picked up Gris' trail.
This leaves Gris in a lurch because those bloody 831 Relayers are still on, which means that he can't use the bugs he implanted in Heller and Krak's skulls because the signal's too strong, which is why every single time he goes to or from New York he has to get someone to flip the on-off switch on the stupid relayers on the stupid Empire State Building and why couldn't they put up a satellite?! Why couldn't they remotely turn the relayers on or off?! Why did the author decide to include this plot device?! What does it bring to the story?!
With nothing else to do, Gris goes for a walk and by chance notices the headlines on the New York Grimes: "WOMEN'S BOMB RIGHTS COMING UP AT UN SECURITY COUNCIL." And Gris realizes that, even though Heller's currently abusing alien technology to break the stock market and get all the funding he'll ever need, this is a real emergency!
If that bill got through the Security Council now, Miss Simmons would be drooling all over Heller! Rather than flunk him out of Empire as she had promised, she would pass him! I would lose a vital ally I had counted on
You've never met her! She is not an ally if she doesn't know you exist!
to block his villainous rehabilitation of the planet, a plot that would ruin me, Lombar and Rockecenter.
We have gone back in time. We have returned to the "flunk Heller out of college" subplot.
Gris is back in New York, and has access to a steady stream of money courtesy of Rockecenter's coffers. Heller is winning big on Wall Street but Gris has decided this isn't as dangerous as the possibility of him finishing college, so we'll ignore that and focus on him masquerading as a student. If we had skipped everything from Pinch and Candy's torture sessions back in Part Thirty-Two to this chapter, would our current situation be any different? Heller won and lost Atlantic City. Gris gained and wasted a fortune. Heller got kicked out of the mob but made up for it by becoming a day-trader. Crobe showed up but got institutionalized.
The only meaningful change we've seen in the last couple hundred pages was that Krak is now on-planet. And Gris is also hung like a horse now.
Well. Gris figures that Rockecenter has an interest in stopping this dastardly "no-nuking" law since the man controls the world's uranium stockpiles, the value of which would plummet in the event of a "devastating and disastrous peace!" because there is no other conceivable use for uranium, nor would anyone continue to build and maintain nuclear weapons in the event someone else didn't abide by international law. So Gris goes to the Octopus building and wouldn't you know it but Mr. Bury is sitting right there, just through the door!
Mr. Bury is a lawyer, so he tells Gris to "take the stand" when he offers the alien a seat. He also thinks he's got the Wister case "pretty well into due process" by having Madison working on it, because "J. Warbler Madman" is worse than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and "Wister" will be begging for death and so forth. The gist of it is, Bury won't take any action. He does ask for Gris' current address, and is surprised and impressed to learn he's rooming at Miss Pinch's apartment, especially since Bury had to cover up the murder of someone beaten to death there last month. Gris, finding no help, moves on.
Know what he didn't do? Try to get some money as the Rockecenter family "spi." He was just talking to the God-King of the World's second-in-command and Gris didn't try to fix his financial problems once and for all. Guess he's fine with continuing to prostitute himself out to a pair of former lesbians for a thousand dollars a night.
So Gris visits Madison, and is all angry because Madison had Dr. Crobe hauled away. But then the publicist counters that no-no-no, he didn't want Crobe taken as a patient, he had him taken to a psychiatric hospital to act as a doctor.
"Crobe seemed anxious to cut things, as all psychiatrists are,
Hubbard thinks every psychiatrist is a brain surgeon, ya ken.
so they gave him his own laboratory and a top job on staff. You didn't think I'd overlook a valuable asset like that, did you? Heaven forbid. What would the media do for horror if it weren't for psychiatrists?"
Shocking coverage of serial killers? Sensationalist features on the latest threat to public safety? War-mongering yellow journalism? Exposes on the meat-packing industry? Pointless and gross pieces about freak medical conditions?
Gris fails to show any interest in Crobe's condition and complains about the lack of results on Madison's part since the Atlantic City incident. Madison shows him tomorrow's headline, which will reveal that "Wister" is actually the descendant of the chief of the local American Indian tribe and therefore the legal owner of New Jersey. Madison hopes that this will lead to a repeat of the Battle of Wounded Knee, followed by a daring train robbery a week later because remember, we're going for a Jesse James image for the Whiz Kid here.
When Madison throws together a bunch of nonsensical references to decades-old events, he's a madman. When Hubbard does it, he's writing a satirical sci-fi epic.
Gris tries to get Madison interested in the "TRUTH!", the UN bomb ban vote coming up. He fails.
Madison gave an unamused laugh. "Truth? What does PR have to do with truth, Smith? News today is entertainment. Ask NBC, CBS, ABC, ask all the major papers. They'll tell you. News is the biggest entertainment industry in the world. Now let me ask you, how can you entertain anybody by telling the truth? Preposterous!"
I guess this book of satire is telling things like it is, because I sure as hell ain't entertained by it.
In conclusion, Mr. Bury isn't going to do anything, and Madison isn't concerned with what's got Gris' panties in a knot.
None of them really seemed to get the danger in that UN bill. If the Security Council passed it, Rockecenter would lose all his thermonuclear profit.
Leaving him with nothing but his monopoly on oil, and psychology, and the world's banks, and the media, and drugs, and political power, and...
The Octopus Oil monopoly on uranium claims would be worthless. Lombar would be raving. And even worse, that Miss Simmons would be slobbering all over Heller as a prize hero.
Heller saved her from being raped and she still blamed him for everything. Why are you so worried about her opinion? Why have you decided that his growing financial empire is less important than whether or not Heller passes this one class?
I was worried!
I paced.
Then INSPIRATION!
Has a flash of INSPIRATION ever ended well for Gris?
I would go and see Miss Simmons!
And so the book's villain sets off to solve a problem that only he is worried about with the help of an ally he's never met, instead of dealing with the much bigger problems threatening to overwhelm him without the help of the allies he actually has.
Back to Part Forty-One, Chapter Nine
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