Let's pause to savor the mental image of Crobe running in shrieking terror, stepping inside an elevator, standing patiently as it ascends dozens of floors, then jumping out and resuming his spastic flight.
While Gris wonders if the good doctor could be "trying to get back to Voltar using the Empire State Building as a launching pad," the Apparatus thugs manage to get ahead of the fleeing Crobe and grab him. The girl operating the elevator - oh, that makes the "Crobe in an elevator" image even better! - wants to call the police, but the guards explain that Crobe's "just a nut that thinks he's from outer space." The nut in question is in TRIPLE TERROR until his X-ray eye looks through the building walls, and he passes out because the dope thought he was falling or something. Or so guesses Gris.
But what to do with the now-neutralized Crobe? He's too valuable a "planet-wrecker" to waste, and if Gris has him return to Turkey then Faht Bey "would scream and rant and try to get me to pay for the wasted air passage" or even try to kill the doctor. What would be a safe place to put a mentally-unstable alien doctor with no notion of espionage and a pathological obsession with unnecessary surgery? Maybe the Apparatus base in New York could look after him for a few-
Suddenly, inspiration came to me. There was only one other person I knew who was as potentially destructive as Crobe: Madison!
Only Madison would know how to use this lethal weapon in the war to destroy Heller.
Let's see if I can follow the Gris Logic here: Crobe is dangerous. Madison is dangerous. Both are working against Heller.
So Madison, a mud-slinging journalist who tried to start World War III as a publicity stunt, a man who doesn't know that Gris or Crobe are aliens, someone with no background in medicine, and most importantly an ally that Gris has had constant trouble getting to do what he wants Madison to do, this is the person best-suited to handling and finding a use for an alien mad scientist with a poor grasp of English who likes to swap out people's breasts and buttocks. That sound about right? This is a good plan?
More importantly, this is the excuse the author's using to get Crobe to meet Madison and end up where Hubbard wants him to go?
Well... the guards follow Gris' orders, grab Crobe's stuff, and haul him over to Madison's place.
Repeating what I said, the chief guard addressed Madison. "Mr. Smith has sent us. We are here to present you with a perfect weapon in the war against the Whiz Kid."
"War?" said Madison. "Oh, no, you have it very wrong. We are engaged in the purest possible public relations and our motives are far beyond reproach."
Lemme add "doesn't know he's actually working against Heller" to the list of reasons this is a profoundly dumb move.
Gris chimes in over the radio to smooth the introduction, at least until Crobe perks up and takes a good look at Madison: "Deed eet effer oggur to you dat you voot loook moch butter mit a libido instad of a nose dare? Or maybe a bellybutton? Unt your hands. Dey voot loook nicer mit fish flippers." And then he picks up a knife. This goes over about a well as you'd expect, and the Apparatus agents restrain Crobe while Madison calls the Bellevue Psychiatric Section for a pick-up.
And Gris is helpless to intervene because the guard is deliberately not listening to the radio. In fact, they help shove Crobe in the back of the "loony wagon," which drives off "with all bells clanging." When the doctor's gone, the guard smugly reports "Well, that's that, Officer Gris" and ignores his order to pursue the crazymobile, instead directing Gris to take things up with Agent Raht. Mutiny! Insurrection! Conspiracy! Gris is sure to-
I mourned.
-be saddened by this turn of events.
But I'm sure next chapter he'll be up and out for blood and
Bitter in my defeat, I wandered out into the yard. The day was very cold. The sky was gray. A wind was snarling through the bleak shrubs like a hunting wolf. And it was after me.
Wow. I guess the awesome power of sadness really does stop you in your tracks.
So... yeah, not much to say. Gris isn't very bright, and he gives up easily. We've known this since Book One, and I'm sure the author will keep reminding us of these facts until the end of Book Ten.
One more thing - Gris has to think quickly and explain to Madison how he's coming through over the agent's "little walkie-talkie," and lies that he's using some advanced Rockecenter communications equipment before Madison can look closer and notice the "Voltar Communications Industries" nameplate on the radio the guards are using. The alien intelligence agency puts labels on its equipment. And they're worried about the locals picking up a two-way signal or something.
Then again, the CIA carefully labeled their stuff too. I shouldn't single out the aliens, it's not like they have a monopoly on stupidity.
Back to Chapter Four
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