Monday, July 30, 2012

Part Thirty-One, Chapter Four - Luggage Check

So Heller, still disguised as a janitor, Bang-Bang, wearing a bulletproof spy suit under a black dress, and the cat that proved so shockingly effective at defeating an assassin, all drive to the Midtown Air Terminal Overnight Baggage Check to see what the dearly departed GUNSALMO SILVA! wanted to pick up.  Heller explains how he'll follow Bang-Bang and shout "pizza!" as an alarm if there's danger, and assures Rimbambo that "I know this place.  I am sure you'll be as safe as if you were in your own bed."

When has Heller been to this airport?  I'm assuming it's JFK since that's the only one on the map, but I certainly can't remember Heller ever visiting the place.

Heller walks in, drops his bucket, and begins sweeping the floor of the nearly-deserted terminal, effortlessly and flawlessly disguising himself as a custodian, while Bang-Bang turns in Silva's ticket to a yawning receptionist.  Heller hovers near a beefy guy who's intently watching Bang-Bang, and when the goon runs off in pursuit after Bang-Bang picks up a suitcase, Heller immediately follows.  The thug doesn't notice the commando shadowing him because Heller's "running at the exact same cadence as the other.  There was only one set of sounds of feet!"

It's just that easy, folks.  Also note that Heller burst out of his harmless janitor routine to immediately match the goon's "cadence" with but a split-second's warning, and managed to do this while chasing his prey down a flight of stairs.

As the thug and Heller follow Bang-Bang into a dark tunnel and the nameless, disposable bad guy draws a pistol, Gris has another revelation.  "Suddenly it came to me that somebody had not meant Gunsalmo Silva to really collect that suitcase!  I was watching the standard hit-the-hitter routine in progress!"  Though he adds "Or was it?  Maybe this was something else?"

I certainly hope so.  What kind of message does it send when you put a hit on someone no other assassin has been able to kill, only to double-cross your problem-solver when they do what you ask?  Terribly bad for business, that, the sort of thing done by self-destructively stupid bad guys, i.e. villains in a L. Ron Hubbard novel.  You also have to question the logic of trying to kill someone who just eliminated a previously unbeatable target.  Could be a dangerous miscalculation.

So they're all going down a tunnel, then two guys dressed as cab drivers come through the doors ahead of Bang-Bang.  The first thug aims his gun, Heller grabs the thug's gun hand and yells "pizza!" (oy), and Bang-Bang drops the suitcase and hits the floor.  One of the new guys tries to scoop up the luggage, the other draws a weapon now rather than having it ready when they burst onto the scene.  Heller aims and squeezes the first thug's arm to shoot and kill the two newcomers, who presumably are Bad Guys who deserved it rather than two unfortunates who did the wrong things in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Then Heller wrestles with the thug some more, aims the man's gun at his own head, and removes the top part of the man's skull.

I guess Heller managed to jam his finger through the trigger guard over the thug's finger?  And then squeezed it?  Otherwise the first assassin got so flustered from being grabbed that he reflexively shot himself in the noggin.  Yes, Heller overcame the shooter and controlled his aim and firing using only his right hand.  No, Heller's search for answers doesn't require him to take any prisoners or anything.

Heller swipes the gunman's wallet before his corpse hits the ground, helps Bang-Bang up, and flees the crime scene with the extremely important suitcase.  Gris notes that due to Heller's shenanigans none of his fingerprints are on the murder weapon.  Heller urges Bang-Bang to hurry and get in the car, "We don't want this blamed on the cat!"

This would be more nonsensically funny if Heller hadn't just blamed that cat for blowing an assassin off the roof of the Empire State Building.  The way the story's been going it's actually plausible that Heller might try to pin his three latest slayings on the calico.

Back to Chapter Three

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