Thursday, July 19, 2012

Part Thirty, Chapter Six - The Fight, Flight or (Bleep) Response

The next sunrise Gris answers a pounding on his door to find a very blue and very shocked Raht who says "He's dead," and "Tortured to death."  Gris is pleased and asks Raht to hand over the money Terb confiscated from Silva's corpse, and is hit with the obvious twist.

He said, between sobs, "It's Terb that's dead."

I opened my mouth to speak.  I closed it.  GUNSALMO SILVA WAS STILL ALIVE!

Yeah, we can figure that out for ourselves, thanks.

So Gris flips out, runs around locking doors and grabbing a back-up gun, then demands how things went wrong.  All Raht can say is that he tracked down Terb by a tracer worn so the two can always find each other... so that's not a security risk, but a two-way communicator is?  Anyway, he found Terb's corpse in an abandoned basement with his feet "burned half off" and his "teeth all broken from grinding them."

Gris asks if Terb had the hundred thousand dollars on him, because Gris is an idiot.  When Raht reports that all of Terb's money and weapons were taken, Gris asks if Terb talked, which Raht has no way of knowing, because as I said Gris is an idiot.  Raht just sobs about the loss of his partner and that Terb must have been too cold to fight, which Gris takes as a greedy demand for a overcoat as he kicks Raht out.

Having decided that Terb probably talked before his death, Gris concludes that the best thing to do when faced with a super-assassin who knows where you live is to remain exactly where you are, as opposed to fleeing the country, going to a secure location like the Octopus Oil offices, or even checking out a room in another hotel under an alias.  Remembering that Silva posed as and murdered the CIA Director's wife, Gris warns Utanc to stay inside and lock the doors, because he hired her former bodyguard to kill the head of the CIA and then tried to kill him to get his money back.  Gris produces the bloodstained ID Silva dropped off last night as proof.

Utanc's response may surprise you.

Her mouth was open in astonishment as she stared at it.  Then she said, "You paid him to do it?"

"And tried to get the money back.  He may be around any corner.  Don't go out!"

Psychologists will tell you that murder and blood do strange things to women.  Death stimulates them sexually.

Just as a reminder, we established books earlier that Gris actually knows very little of psychology, making this inaccurate statement more of a satire about know-nothing know-it-alls than psychology proper.

She suddenly grabbed me and kissed me!

Then she raced around and closed all the drapes so the room was dark as pitch.

She threw me on the bed and was all over me!

We didn't go out that day.

Her mouth was hot as fire!

To reiterate: a deadly assassin may be after Gris, and certainly knows where he lives, so of course the best thing to do is stay home and engage in Sexy Time.

Also, Utanc's turn-ons now consist of Hollywood stars from the 1930's, phallic architecture, and the possibility of being murdered by a hired killer.  Gris sure knows how to pick 'em.  That is, purchase them.

Back to Chapter Five

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