Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Part Thirty, Chapter Five - Return of the CapsLock Menace

Just minutes after turning off the HellerVision, Gris answers a knock on his door to find Raht and Terb, looking worse for wear after being ordered out of their hospital beds and back on active duty.  Raht reports that the New York Apparatus office is running again and all those appointments for Gris' pet mobster hospital have been scheduled.

But aside from a stack of paperwork for Gris to stamp, the real reason they've come is Gunsalmo Silva.  Apparently the Apparatus-reprogrammed hitman showed up in Turkey looking for a paycheck, even though Gris sent him on a "suicide" mission to kill the Director of the CIA.  "He should be safely dead while executing an execution that couldn't possibly be executed!"

So here's some oscillating paranoia.  Gris is of course mortally afraid of Silva and under the impression that the man who has shown no signs of aggression towards Gris, and who has faithfully followed every order Gris has given him, is nevertheless out to get him.  This is nonsensical and stupid and par the course for Gris.  But, after hearing that Silva the super-thug was last seen boarding a plane for New York, Gris decides that "New York is a big town" and there's no way Silva could know his address.

I think we all know what's going to happen next.

Raht and Terb leave, Gris decides to actually do something today and dresses for a walk, and opens the door to find "GUNSALMO SILVA!"  The hitman pushes his way inside, and Gris babbles a question about how GUNSALMO SILVA! found him.  Turns out Utanc, in between shopping sprees and other mysterious disappearances, has been sending back to Turkey postcards of her hotel with a little "X" drawn where her room.  Silva - excuse me, GUNSALMO SILVA! got one and used his brain, which makes him twice the secret agent that Gris is.

GUNSALMO SILVA! is here for his paycheck.  We learn that Gris wasn't spending the last week fully reading those newspapers because there were two headlines about the CIA Director succumbing to an "operation."  GUNSALMO SILVA! got himself hired as a government assassin, did a few murders to build up trust, then disguised himself as the Director's wife and killed the guy when he was visiting a brothel, before killing the wife and selling her body to a university hospital just to cover his tracks further.  He's so pleased with himself that he's ready to retire after he does one more hit: a million dollar job on some guy who's killed thirteen hitmen, so no one else is willing to take the contract.  Hmm, wonder who that could be...

Gris stalls.  He explains that he needs to get the money delivered because surely GUNSALMO SILVA! doesn't want to be paid in lira.  Then he calls Terb over and orders him to tail Silva, kill him, and retrieve the money he's carrying, giving the minion his own revolver and knife because Terb came unarmed (!), and ignoring Terb's objections that he and Raht work as a team.

So Gris digs a hundred thousand dollars out from under his mattress, apologizes for the delay, and pays GUNSALMO SILVA! for his work, wishing him good luck on his upcoming retirement.  He's a witty one, our Gris.  Surely a wounded agent still recovering from injuries dealt by some prostitutes will be able to overcome this unstoppable, hypno-trained murder machine.

Oh, and in case you're wondering why Gris didn't try to just shoot GUNSALMO SILVA! himself: "It was actually a temptation to simply blow him full of holes with the Colt Bulldog, but such a slug spills a lot of blood and it would ruin the sofa. Besides, he might outdraw me."

It isn't even his sofa.  He's in a hotel room.

Back to Chapter Four

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