Monday, October 22, 2012

Part Thirty-Nine, Chaper One - Jettero Heller Has Learned Nothing From Last Chapter

Have I mentioned lately that Hubbard can choose utterly arbitrary and random chapter or part breaks?  Well, Hubbard can choose some utterly arbitrary and random chapter or part breaks.

This one, fer'instance.  Part Thirty-Nine, Chapter One is a whopping sixteen pages long, while chapters from the previous Part tended to be six pages or so.  It also directly follows Heller's adventure at the... did we ever get the name of the casino he went to?  Atlantic City, whatever.  After this chapter, we're going to spend a couple dozen pages getting distracted by Gris' libido, among other things, with only occasional glances at what Heller and Krak are doing.  So why wasn't this chapter part of Part Thirty-Eight?  Why wasn't it broken into smaller chapters?  Are you seriously questioning legendary science fiction author, nuclear physicist, and spiritual guru L. Ron Hubbard?

Gris does the thing where he falls madly in love with and sings the praises of whatever or whoever has most recently inconvenienced Heller, spending the first few paragraphs of the chapter "overtaken by uncontrollable bursts of chuckling" and wondering if he should somehow reward Gobbo Piegare for scamming Heller.  Then he moves on with his day.

The villa's staff is more beaten and battered than ever, with Melahat the housekeeper "looking like she'd been raped," but they're all properly subservient so Gris is pleased.  After a meal he gets back to watching "the further discomfiture of Heller and Krak."  He finds Heller looking out his hotel room at the "cold, grey Atlantic Ocean."  And Krak, who is a woman and therefore concerned with such frivolities as fashion, is inspecting the scuffs and scratches on her boots, complaining how the inhabitants of this sad planet "certainly don't know how to make animals grow proper hides."

This is the same woman the book jacket claims is "the most deadly and certainly the most feared" in all the Voltarian Empire.  I guess being a manifestation of terror and being really concerned about your new boots aren't mutually exclusive.

Immediately after her shoe talk, Krak steps out to start brushing her teeth, then returns and starts an entirely new conversation.

With her mouth full of foam, she said, "Jettero, who is this 'Whiz Kid' they are talking about?"

Heller was picking through his suitcase. He sighed. He said, "He's the dumbest (bleepard) in a business deal that anybody ever met--begging your pardon, miss. You wouldn't want to know him."

Or in other words, Heller has told Krak nothing about what he's been up to for the past couple of months, the identity he's assumed to try to complete his mission and save this planet, and his missteps along the way.  More than that, Heller has no intent to tell Krak this stuff, and is purposefully evading the question here.  And that's alright; after all, Krak's a woman.  She ought to be concerned with keeping her shoes looking nice.

Krak doesn't inquire further about the Whiz Kid, and only asks if they'll be able to go home soon.  When Heller admits that they're in danger of being booted back to Voltar as failures, Krak remembers - or Gris assumes Krak remembers - those forged royal pardons for her past crimes that hinge on Mission Earth being a success, and leaves to find Mamie Boomp.

And Gris turns off Krak's viewer, because "one thing I didn't want to hear more about was fashions, fashions, fashions and clothes, clothes, clothes.  What the homosexual designers were proclaiming would be spring styles was my idea of spring static."  So again, he can be monitoring what Krak is up to, but he's deliberately choosing not to, so that the consequences of her actions can come as a surprise to the reader.

Why did you have Krak bugged in the first place, Gris and/or Hubbard?

While seeing what the dangerous, devious Krak is up to sounds boring, Gris is perfectly happy to watch a depressed Heller get dressed - particularly, how badly Heller is getting dressed.  For while Gris has no interest in hearing Krak and Boomp talk about fashions, he will spend a few paragraphs laughing at Heller's greasy, torn denims, and then chuckle at Heller forlornly looking out the window at the "cold, gray sea."  How the mighty have fallen, he looks like a bum, etc.  And again, while women talking is boring, Gris will spend an entire hour watching Heller pace in his hotel room with the utilities cut off, waiting for Izzy to arrive.

Izzy eventually shows up, as depressed and full of bad news as ever, to scold Heller - "you always go out and get people to shoot at you.  And now they've used submachine guns, cannons and even a hydrogen bomb.  Oy, what rubble and wreckage!"  The Atlantic City mob's casino corporation has months of unpaid utility bills and taxes and a huge unpaid staff because it's been embezzling funds for some time.  On top of that, all those "lucrative" beachfront properties Heller bought along with the casino are all in their winter doldrums, so there's no money to be made there.

And the weird thing is that this litany of woes is delivered not as a paragraph or two, but sentence by sentence.

"Most of the hotel equipment is on time-payment contracts and those companies want to take the equipment back, even the furnaces.

"It's winter and there is no yacht traffic for the marina and nothing is travelling [sic] on the Intracoastal Waterway.

"It's winter and there's nothing one can do with the amusement piers.

"It's winter and there are no vacationers to fill the hotels."

Like that.  Almost as though Hubbard came up with a list of things to go wrong, and didn't quite finish converting it into actual dialogue.

There's also a headline in the New York Grimes, how the "WHIZ KID STEALS ATLANTIC CITY" in some sort of gun battle, which gives us another paragraph of Gris worshiping Madison's genius.  Then Izzy hauls Heller downstairs to address the crowd of unpaid casino staff, who growl and point and gnash their teeth at the sight of him, because I guess they think that the guy who got scammed into taking the fall for their old bosses is the cause of all their problems. 

Izzy reveals that he gave the treasurer's position to Tom-Tom the math-stupid drummer, so that "he won't die of fright looking at the horrible corporation balance sheets."  Krak and Boomp also attend, and now Gris turns on Krak's viewer - not because he's going to follow what Krak is doing, no, but so the author can describe Heller as being "wide-eyed" or looking shabby without the reader wondering how Gris could know that while watching through the HellerVision.

Boomp is cold, Heller gives her his jacket, now they both look ridiculous.  Heller learns that Bomp has been appointed the casino company's president and general manager, and on Krak's insistence he signs a contract.  Then Krak and Boomp and Tom-Tom go out onto the stage to address the casino staff, leaving Heller behind, and even though Gris just turned on Krak's viewscreen he doesn't pay any attention to what she's doing, focusing only on Heller sitting in a dressing room. 

Izzy talks bank stuff: how the criminal charges against the company's former owner no longer apply to Heller, so the New Jersey Gambling Commission was nice enough to extend the corporation's gambling license, which is what the Grabbe-Manhattan Bank was worried about.  Now the bank is trying to hold a directors' meeting to consider loans to keep the company from going bankrupt, but Rockecenter and Bury are "in China arranging peace and new oil monopolies" so it'll have to act without their input.  All of which sounds like non-terrible news Izzy might have wanted to bring up sooner instead of complaining that tourism is down in winter.

At this point Krak returns to send Heller back on stage with Boomp, in front of a dead silent crowd.  Boomp introduces the principal stockholder to Tom-Tom's drumroll, then gives Heller orders.

Mamie, voice covered by the roll, said in Heller's ear, "Just say 'Yes, I approve.'  And bow.  That's all.  Nothing else!"

With a mighty cymbal crash, the drum roll ended.

Heller, probably shattered by the cymbal crash and stunned unthinking by the vast and silent crowd, in a loud voice said "Yes! I 

Seriously?  Seriously?!  Last chapter Heller unthinkingly signed a contract that landed him in this mess.  And now he's going to do the same thing, blindly following a stranger's instructions?

This is our hero.  He doesn't have a plan.  Sometimes he does things, pretty much on a whim.  Sometimes, against all odds, these actions succeed.  Other times they end badly.  And then he repeats his mistakes.

approve!"

He bowed.

The hall exploded!

PANDEMONIUM!

Hats and caps went sailing into the air.

Yells burst from the thousands of throats!

Then, like a pack of hurtling animals, they came over the backs of chairs and up and onto the stage in a screaming mob.

And they pick up Heller and carry him around screaming "Hail the chief!" as the auditorium lights come back on and a red, white and blue (and yellow) spotlight shines on Heller.  Then Boomp addresses the "proud employees of the newly named Lucky Bonanza Casino Corporation" and tells them to get back to work, to explosive applause.

Now Heller asks "What did I approve?"

Time for several pages of explanation, which wouldn't be necessary if Gris had just paid attention to what Krak and Boomp were up to when they left the friggin' dressing room.  In fact, Krak's viewscreen was on, so Gris would have to be deliberately ignoring the sounds and visuals coming from her feed.

Well, the lights are back on because Tom-Tom the "treasurer" got the band leader, who can count, to pay the utility companies.  "With what money?", you ask?

The Countess Krak was at [Heller's] elbow.  "I didn't tell you, dear, as you seemed so busy.  But I put three sacks of that money in a ventilator shaft.  It's about a million and a half, they guess.  I gave it to Mamie so she could get your corporation going."

Krak and Heller.  They don't tell each other anything - Heller doesn't worry Krak with Mission Earth, Krak doesn't worry Heller with how she's spending millions of dollars.  They don't work together, plan together, consult each other, or have any real chemistry.  They're in love and are an unstoppable force for good.

Heller, again, asks "What did I approve?"  Nobody answers, instead paying attention to all the people suddenly arriving outside the casino.  See, Madison's story about the Whiz Kid taking Atlantic City, which apparently got away with using actual footage from D-Day, is attracting a huge crowd of tourists.  The fake Whiz Kid is even outside, signing autographs on top of a burning surplus tank.

Heller begs someone to tell him what he approved, and Boomp finally reveals that Heller has given all the corporation's workers a 100% cut of the profits (minus taxes and pension payments) until their back wages are caught up, after which it will drop to 60%.  Or as Gris puts it, "THE WHOLE ENTERPRISE HAD BEEN TAKEN OVER BY THE STAFF!"  Boomp then asks for Heller's opinion on an important matter, if she should put her name in lights on the hotel-casinos.

Very faintly, Heller said, "Wonderful."  Then after a little while he turned to Countess Krak.  "Dear, I think it's time we went back to New York."

So Heller didn't gain anything from his visit to Atlantic City, but now he's managed to dodge some potential losses.  So again, the whole trip?  Completely pointless.  No change in his overall situation.  No new character development.  No plot advancement. Pointless.

Gris is thrilled though.

Oh,  did I guffaw!  Heller's venture to get Izzy out of debt had made exactly no progress at all!  It had only brought more trouble.  Moreover, he was now discouraged and over very low morale.

Yes, the hero is sad!  A victory for the forces of darkness!

Isn't Heller getting discouraged as much a danger to Gris' situation as Heller winning or getting killed?  Because he might mention in his next report how badly things are going, so that either he or the Council decides to scrap the mission or send reinforcements, either or which undermines and/or reveals the Apparatus' plot to use Earth to seize control of the Confederacy.

The ideal situation for Gris is a Heller who thinks he's making progress, but isn't changing anything, or in danger, or close to believing that his mission is in trouble.  Well, the ideal situation for a Gris with a functioning brain.

I decided then and there to stop worrying about him

Arrrrrrgh.

and let him sink.  There was no slightest sign that he would do anything productive or active

There wasn't any sign he was going to Atlantic City in the first place, he saw an advert in a newspaper and went for it!  You need to watch this guy!  You don't know what his plan is because he doesn't have one!  He could do anything at anytime!  He is a stupid, random force in this world!  With steel cleats!

productive or active, and when the word came from Lombar, he and the Countess Krak would still be in the U.S. floundering around.  They didn't have a prayer of completing [sic] before I could get the word and kill them both!

My euphoria revved right up to top-peak.  It was I who was winning.  Me, me, me!

Can you really be victorious in anything if you play no part in it?  Do I "win" a football game when I watch from my couch and the "enemy" team loses?  Can I "win" a team deathmatch while in spectator mode?  Can I "win" a game of Monopoly going on a thousand miles away, so long as I watch it via webcam?


Back to Part Thirty-Eight, Chapter Nine

1 comment:

  1. You answered your own question. He needed a second camera so that Gris can describe Heller's facial expressions, which he otherwise wouldn't be able to see from Heller's POV (except for the occasional mirror or other reflections).

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