Fashions, fashions, fashions. Clothes, clothes, clothes. Up the snow-banked Danube far below, fashions, fashions, fashions and clothes, clothes, clothes. Across the Alps and Germany and through the Brussels change, fashions, fashions, fashions and clothes, clothes, clothes. Across the tip of England and above Atlantic storms, fashions, fashions, fashions and clothes, clothes, clothes. They even neglected their lunch--the Countess Krak because she couldn't figure out how to eat it and Mamie Boomp because she was getting too fat and could no longer get into some of her fashions, fashions, fashions and clothes, clothes, clothes.
If only there was some way for him to not be watching the viewscreen, or some method of disabling it. Some button or switch that could turn the device off and free him from that misery. Then he could engage in some method of locomotion to change his position and do something else. But alas, Gris is a helpless victim of boring television.
The tired old Code Break "threat" pops up a few times, but luckily Miss Boomp got "the idea that Atalanta was Atlantic City and Voltar was a place just outside of Peoria, Illinois," and doesn't seem to notice the times Krak mentions that her boyfriend hasn't been on "this planet" very long. The Countess confesses her worries: Heller has "undoubtedly been waist deep in the most beautiful and most gorgeously dressed women on the planet," so obviously he won't love her if she shows up wearing dirty rags.
I guess this is supposed to be endearing, or a reflection of Krak's insecurities, but really it feels out of place. Heller and Krak's "romance" thus far has been pretty fairy tale stuff, with love at first sight, declarations of eternal devotion, romantic nights on the town that spark deadly riots, and so on. Krak assuming her Prince Charming has been chasing skirts while on official business doesn't fit with the bland perfection of the rest of their relationship.
But it does give us a lame excuse to prod the plot, such as it is, forward. Mamie Boomp remembers that JFK Airport has a Bonbucks Teller store that will sell Krak everything she needs - lingerie, dresses for mornings, evenings and cocktail parties, shoes, fur coats, the works. But "they cost the do-re-mi--an arm, a leg and your head!" Nice of her to fixate on the most expensive of places right off the bat. Luckily, Krak declares that money isn't a problem and that she has it "all figured out."
This makes Gris uneasy, so he checks his pockets. His credit card sheaf is still there (I didn't know they made those separate from wallets), but Gris' actual wallet isn't. "IT WAS GONE!" Obviously Krak pickpocketed it - I mean what's the alternative, that he just misplaced it? Put it in the wrong pocket? Dropped it somewhere?
So Gris despairs that he's super-ultra-double-broke now... and then, oddly enough, switches to "a sort of bitter hope." He reasons that Bonbucks Teller is such an expensive store that even with the money from his wallet, and whatever she can pawn Utanc's jewel for, Krak won't be able to pay for everything. Yes, he decides that the Countess will continue buying and buying and rack up a huge debt that will drive Heller further into poverty so that he's "sleeping in the park and eating the leavings in garbage cans."
Gods bless such stores as Bonbucks Teller! Gods bless clothes-designing fairies and magazine-advertising liars who lure unwary and helpless males into shuddering bankruptcy. They were not just getting rid of competition: they were getting rid of men entirely! Via the bankruptcy court. And there was where Heller was being headed.
"I'm broke!" to "those clothes will be expensive" to "my nemesis will eat out of dumpsters" to "god bless the fashion industry." What a random-ass way to end the chapter.
Back to Chapter Four
No comments:
Post a Comment