Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Part Nine, Chapter Seven - Imperial Necromancy

Gris is struck by the stink of industrial-strength disinfectant as he enters the training hall of Spiteos. The Countess Krak's assistants are putting Apparatus personnel through their paces: one agent's practicing with "electronic needle bombs" blown from a tube, two "claw fighters" are going through a faux-duel and spraying fake blood everywhere, and in another part of the floor there's "an act with a magician and a primate who seemed to be exchanging roles in making each other disappear."

Uh... huh. Maybe this is satire? Like "har har, those CIA guys are clowns, so in my book I'll have them performing actual circus acts!"  It's just hard to imagine this sort of thing coming up in actual intelligence work.

The Countess Krak isn't doing any work herself, instead passing the time by performing feats of agility while humming to herself. Her good mood vanishes when Gris shows up and beckons her to a quiet corner. He explains that he just had "the most glorious audience," which can only mean that he's spoken with the Emperor himself. Citing concern for Jettero Heller's safety, Gris spins a tale about being secreted away that morning to speak with Cling the Lofty. Gris describes the Emperor's opulent personal quarters, his diamond swimming pool, how His Majesty lounged after his morning swim and had perfumed lard massaged into his skin by his yellow-men...

You could've at least used something like "green-men" or "blue-men," Hubbard. Just exerted the slightest bit of effort to avoid the unfortunate implications of a servile caste of yellow people.

The Countess Krak is quite impressed when Gris tells her that the Emperor has taken a personal interest in Jettero Heller's well-being, but also in Mission Earth - or more specifically its delayed launch. But after some suggestions from Gris, His Majesty came up with a proper incentive to see the expedition begin posthaste. Gris produces that forged letter from the last chapter, a secret decree from Cling the Lofty ordering that, after Mission Earth's completion, Jettero Heller will be retired from active duty and assigned to the palace's royal staff. Then Gris produces the second pronouncement, this one unsigned and unstamped, but which would effectively allow the Countess Krak to resume her civilian identity, claim her inheritance, and generally be "resurrected from the dead." Once Mission Earth is completed, of course.

Krak is of course spellbound, especially since Gris is making lots of references to being sick with worry at the thought of anything bad happening to Heller, as if he was still under her mental conditioning (strange how knowing you had subliminal suggestions implanted in your mind removes said suggestions). So Gris asks her to help hurry Heller along, which she agrees to so long as she gets to be the one holding the documents.

Gris leaves Spiteos practically skipping and cackling - he's got his pawns in motion, and he could even see Krak killed by suggesting that she be searched for those extremely illegal forgeries. "I had a lot to do now. A lot to do! This was only the beginning!"

I think there's only one way this will pan out.

Mission Earth starts, we get a couple of books' worth of hijinks on Earth, but despite the Apparatus' best efforts Heller safely returns to Voltar with Gris in tow. He tries to cash in those forged royal decrees, and Cling the Lofty is conveniently Cling the Dearly Departed. Then Gris has to desperately break into the palace records and forge documents proving that Heller and Krak's happy ending decrees were genuine, and a good laugh is had by all as Soltan Gris is forced to help his enemies achieve their hearts' desire in order to cover his own ass.

Call it a hunch.


Back to Chapter Six

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