Still shaken from his confrontation with Hisst, Gris races off to try and prod Heller's well-sculpted backside into action. He decides the best way to do this would be to to sink the Heller-Krak ship, and in his panic Gris remembers a tidbit from Heller's file: he refused to have his crew trained by electroshock.
Yeah, I know, Gris' intelligence ebbs and rises according to the plot's demands. He rushes over to Heller, finds him alone in a section of Tug One, and apropos of nothing starts talking about how the Countess Krak uses electroshock training as part of her work for the Apparatus.
So Heller slugs Gris like they're LARPing a game of Smash Bros.
A stunned Gris, seeing Heller striding towards him with murder in his eyes, goes for his gun, but to his considerable surprise his weapon arm is abruptly paralyzed and unresponsive. Fortunately, Heller wants to talk: he reveals that the first day he was in Krak's room, he went around and inspected all the electroshock equipment and found is nonfunctional and unused. I guess even though he hates the things, he still knows enough about how they work.
Furthermore, he found a newspaper article - a copy of which he just so happens to be carrying on his person at this moment - concerning the deathbed confession of Manco's Assistant Lord of Education. Long story short, Krak only did that "teach a bunch of kids to be burglars" thing because her mother was held hostage by this guy (and killed even though she cooperated), and it was him threatening to kill Krak that persuaded the kids to kill. And then they were all executed except for Krak, who was smuggled out by the Apparatus while a double was killed in her place.
So, the Countess Krak: introduced as a cold, ruthless, whip-crazy psycho who will kill you for inappropriate language. Meets Heller and immediately turns into a meek, sappy, boring female love interest (unless someone insults Heller, in which case she tries to kill them). And now we've learned that she never was as evil a trainer as she was supposed to be.
It's one thing to "redeem" a villainess by having them fall in love with the book's (obnoxiously perfect) hero. But now we're all but retconning most of the villainy right out of her. She was framed, she was just misunderstood! We can't have a bad guy fall for the righteous Jettero Heller, can we?
Heller rants about how the Apparatus have been keeping the innocent Krak captive for three years, and announces his intent to clear her name and marry her. Then he realizes what he's done and apologizes for slugging Gris, explaining that he was planning on getting Krak cleared and having the wedding before leaving for Mission Earth. Gris, who has been trying and failing to draw his gun and shoot Heller the entire time, quickly objects - since the Countess has been declared legally dead, all records about her were destroyed (why?). So Heller can't marry this person who doesn't exist. But, Gris adds, if Heller gets moving and leaves for Earth as soon as possible, the agents swears to do his best to help him get the Countess' legal status sorted out.
Heller promises to think the offer over, and Gris scampers off, terrified at being so helpless in the face of death. So hey, looks like Mission Earth might, astonishingly enough, get started sometime over the next two hundred pages. And it turns out the Countess Krak was never a bad guy to being with. Quite a chapter.
No mention is made of the people the Countess killed for Bad Touching her, or the whip frenzy that resulted when someone insulted Heller in her presence. I guess that's doesn't count as bad guy stuff. Murder in the name of Jettero Heller isn't a crime, it's your moral obligation.
Back to Part Eight, Chapter Seven
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