There's more Hubbard Science as Gris explains that there's a rumor that the ruins are still irradiated from the invasion, reinforced by "cunningly installed detector reply screens: when planetary surveillance beams hit them, they absorbed the incoming energy and sent back the wavelengths of radiation contamination." I won't bother to argue with this, but I must wonder why, if everyone else believes the ruins are radioactive, they decided to built a military camp right next door.
Like an evil Tootsie Roll Pop, the dark heart of Spiteos is hidden beneath this innocuous exterior. A mile underneath the ruins are the secret prisons of the Coordinated Information Apparatus, where political prisoners suffer in appalling conditions. Though Gris mentions a joke that "political prisoner" mostly means "someone who got in the Apparatus' way." He once asked his boss why he doesn't just execute them, but Hisst replied that they might be useful later, and can act as hostages to manipulate their relatives.
Gris narrates that you can almost feel the agonized prisoners through the rock beneath you. His next observation after mentioning this is that "It was hot." Try this sometime - go to a place of abject human misery, like an abandoned insane asylum or a slowly starving third world village, and eloquently describe the suffering that surrounds you, followed shortly by an inane comment about the weather. If you do it right you can get listeners to face fault.
Hisst's secretary rings Gris inside, and our viewpoint character enters an office filled with looted artwork and furniture and opulence of all types, but all poorly arranged to that they looked shabby. "It was a 'gift' Lombar had," the narrator dryly remarks, while I'm left wondering just how much of a neat freak Hubbard was to have such a disdainful opinion of "shabbiness," and why it goes hand-in-hand with cartoonish supervillainy in his mind.
Hisst is in front of a mirror, admiring the way he looks wearing a Royal cape (which a common man is forbidden to wear on pain of death), before he gets down to business. He offers Gris something called a "chank-pop," a recurring Voltarian refreshment. As best as I can puzzle it out, they're capsules containing pleasing scents - you pop the top off and take a refreshing explosion of coolness to the face, perking you up. So in other words, an unlit scented candle.
Hisst warmly congratulates Gris and relieves him from his post as Chief of Section 451, which immediately terrifies the man. Hisst goes on to assure him that the report that got through to the Great Council wasn't his fault (which terrifies Gris), and that his new position could see him rise high in the Apparatus hierarchy (which terrifies Gris). Yes, Gris is immediately appointed as the handler of the agent to be sent to Earth.
The Apparatus head goes back to preening in front of the mirror, claiming that he meant for the report to go through so he could have near-unlimited funding (it's amazing how far you can stretch three million credits under the right conditions), as well total control over traffic to and from Earth. After he offers Gris another of those chank-pops, Hisst drops his next bombshell - that special agent to go covertly improve Earth's environment will be none other than Jettero Heller!
The Council trusts this Heller, but he has no training as a spy, which is perfect for Hisst's designs. You see (third chank-pop offered and accepted):
"Mission Earth," said Lombar, "must be designed and run to fail."
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a title!
I didn't get it.
"The last thing we want," said Lombar, "is an Earth invaded by and conquered by the present Voltarian government. We have our own plans of conquest for that planet. You know that and I know that. Ours will take place a long time before the official invasion. We are not the least bit interested in Blito-P3 having clean air. There are lots of planets. Blito-P3 has other uses and those uses will be made of it long before any oceans flood. For that matter, who the Devils cares about air?"
Gris notes that Hisst hails from the world of Staphotten, a low-oxygen planet. Meanwhile I'm noting Hubbard's unwieldy and inelegant prose, and wondering at the inconsistent application of "Earth" and "Blito-P3" in regard to our planet's name. Though I guess "Mission Blito-P3" doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Maybe they should have came up with something like "Operation Helping Hand" or "Stealthy Gardener."
Anyway, Heller is the ideal agent for Mission Earth because he has no espionage training, so Gris will be able to forge his reports and sabotage his progress. Meanwhile, Hisst can continue with his still-unrevealed ambitions regarding Earth. It's the perfect plan! Why, it could only go wrong if Heller turns out to be a super-intelligent, charismatic hero able to run circles around his skulking handler, his inherent goodness burning through the Apparatus' webs of deception as he almost accidentally turns their evil scheme on its head.
But what are the odds of that happening?
Back to Part One, Chapter Eight
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