So, Mission Earth part one: The Invaders Plan. Right off the bat I knew this was going to be rough. Not The Invaders' Plan, a scheme hatched by a cabal of aggressors, nor is it The Invader's Plan, an assault devised by a single foe. It's The Invaders Plan, no apostrophe. I was convinced this was a typo on the weathered old copy I'd purchased, but nope, that's how it appears everywhere else too. Only after I finished the book did I realize the true meaning of the title, but that will come much later. 615 mind-numbing pages later, to be precise.The cover art is pretty generic, as you can see. There's a bronze casting of a human hand, upraised and grasping a small globe of planet Earth. We can tell the owner of the hand is evil because he's wearing a spiked bracelet. In the background is a squadron of aircraft or spaceships in a triangle formation, and the ships themselves are so small as to be featureless white triangles. The sky shades from indigo at the top through magenta to red at the bottom. And that's it. So, points for simplicity and for accurately reflecting the oh-so-vivid detail contained within.
The back cover synopsis is as follows:
RIVETING, SUPERBLY PLOTTED INTRIGUE
A new style of Science Fiction epic, rooted in the clandestine worlds of intelligence, drug smuggling and crime. With all the classic suspense elements of the fast-paced spy/mystery thriller. Exotically spiced with a liberal dash of humor and a hint of sex.
VOLUME 1 OF THE BIGGEST SCIENCE FICTION DEKALOGY* EVER WRITTEN
The asterisk leads to a footnote explaining that a "dekalogy" is "a group of 10 novels." Yes, Hubbard apparently had a thing for making up words, and I'm sure a psychologist could reach a lot of conclusions about a person striving to control the world through the power of names. Yes, just about every time the not-word "dekalogy" shows up there's a footnote defining it, in case readers can't reach their own conclusions about the misuse of the "deca-" prefix. No, I've never seen anyone else use the term to refer to a series of ten books. Also note how it's the "biggest" sci-fi "dekalogy" ever written, not "greatest" or "best" or anything like that. So out of a field in which only Mission Earth competes, the best they could say about it was that Hubbard wasted a lot of paper and ink printing it.
As for the "new style" claim, it's a bit baffling after reading Battlefield Earth. Terl in particular and the Psychlos in general had a thing for intrigue, off-the-record fund-raising, murder, and mind-altering substances. And it's not like Hubbard was the only one blending genres like that - Frank Herbert's Dune immediately comes to mind for containing as much scheming and politicking as it did action on alien worlds. Hubbard probably envisioned Mission Earth as a hybrid secret agent thriller with sci-fi elements, since the protagonist (certainly not "hero") works for an alien intelligence service, but that aside it isn't drastically different from his last work.
What is new is terrifying: the promises of humor and sex. I won't say that Hubbard is never funny, but that he's rarely intentionally funny. I will admit that a few things in this book made me smile, in particular one minor "character," but for the most part Hubbard's attempts at humor are about as successful as his attempts at romance. As for the sex, I'll say that it's both blessedly non-explicit while still being more than I wanted to read. At least in this book. I've heard disturbing reports about future volumes.
And aside from that there's nothing but notifications that Scientologists cooked the books to make the series a bestseller, and five quotes gushing about how wonderful the story is. I can't even twist their words into being more accurate, it just sounds like they're describing a totally different book. Just keep in mind that this is supposed to be "a delicious read" and a "fantastic adventure" once we start the story proper.
Next entry I'll crack this bad boy open and work through the fluff between the cover and chapter one.
Back to the Blog intro
Looking forward to more!
ReplyDeleteI hated Battlefield Earth. Mainly because I was forced to buy it - and buy it - and buy it - and get others to buy it - from Barnes and Nobel. To help get it on the Best Seller lists. I was so not interested in reading it after all that. Meager attempts were made to get through a chapter or two beefore I abandoned it completely. 'Science Fiction isn't my thing' I would say when asked my opinion about it.
So I am looking forward to your continued sporking of it :)
Not to turn the comments section into a forum, but I gotta ask (since I'm too lazy and forgetful to track down FormFool on a proper forum...) FormFool: what year was this? Have B&N been around a lot longer than I realized, or was this a continual years-long "operation"? Or perhaps done around the time of the movie?
ReplyDeleteI can't post images, but here's the cover of the book, and as a bonus, it's presented next to the poster for War of The Worlds ... Conspiracy theorists, ATTACK!
ReplyDeleteFWIW, it's supposed to be clever and symbolic that there are 10 planes in the formation. Since this Dekalogy* has ten books.
ReplyDelete*Dekalogy: A group of 10 volumes