Well, that's enough of Heller having wonderful things showered upon him. But let's remember the other key element of this narrative - terrible things happening to Soltan Gris.
After storming out of Tug One into the near-empty hangar, Gris realizes that thanks to that ill-fated dice game he is now flat out broke. He spots Commander Snelz loafing nearby, humming the old Fleet favorite "The Girls All Have Four (Boomps) in Old Kiboo" to himself, so Gris goes over for a good old-fashioned shakedown. But Snelz - who Gris notices is "not unhandsome in a sort of Devils-take-you mold" but he isn't gay so shut up - has found a defiant streak, and isn't impressed by Gris' attempts at unleashing "the lightning bolts of authority." Gris demands his share of whatever bribes got the Countess smuggled aboard Heller's overbuilt spaceship, and that launches a long and tiresome story. About a transvestite.
See, there was this guy-who-liked-to-dress-as-a-girl named Tweek - and now I can't help but see the South Park character dragged into this - who said no to the wrong senior officer and was sentenced to death. But Snelz noticed that he had a similar build to the Countess Krak, though of course he couldn't match her transcendent beauty. Anyway, executions in Camp Kill are done at night so no overhead aircraft spot them (night vision? what's that? infrawhat?), and are carried out by shooting the accused so they fall into a chasm. Yes, really. They don't just walk around popping guys with a handgun while they're in their cells, the Apparatus goes through the trouble of getting a proper Railing Kill.
Well, good old pretty-boy Tweek was equipped with a bungee line and was able to jump in early before the grunts opened up with the "stutterguns," and in exchange for his life agreed to act as a body double for the Countess. So our lucky little transvestite is sleeping in Krak's bed while she and Heller... my mind just tried to imagine what an explicit sex scene would look like done by Hubbard. I already have a head cold. I don't need this on top of it. Damn my imagination. Damn it to hell.
Gris deduces that getting the guards from Spiteos to the hangars would require a pass, but Snelz smugly informs him that Gris used his identoplate to give Snelz' platoon a permanent pass. This morning, before he woke up. Don't worry, the pickpocket was nice enough to return the stolen ID afterward. Grasping at straws, Gris says he knows that Heller is paying Snelz for all this, but the guard suggests that not everything has to be done for money; no, he did all this for the lulz.
So Gris turns tail and storms out, broke and hungry. Rather than, you know, shooting Snelz in the head and taking whatever's on him. Which, detestation of Gris aside, I might be okay with. The more Hubbard slathers the guy with hate, the more I want to side with him out of sheer orneriness. At least until he does something truly despicable to waste all that goodwill.
Still no explanation as to why the hell this elaborate deception was necessary to get the Countess out of Spiteos in the first place. Does she not have her own identoplate? She can't just say she's following Heller over to do more on-the-spot training? Why is she on a tighter leash than Jettero "No Operational Security" Heller? Why is this book halfway over and we're still not on Earth yet?
But hey, it's not all bad. We're now entering the "Soltan Gris is Broke and Hungry" arc. RIVETING, SUPERBLY PLOTTED INTRIGUE.
Back to Part Five, Chapter Eight
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